Daniel Goleman (2002) created the Six Leadership Styles and found, in his research, that Leaders used one of these styles at any one time.
Nir Golan, Educational and Leadership Expert, translated these styles to the world of parenthood. Golan based on the similarity between leadership and parenthood. The common between these two worlds is authority: the ability to cause someone to behave or react according to outsource order or request.
The PIR model was developed by Golan, as a result of years of experience in training managers and leaders. The purpose of this model is to improve communication and personal relationships by preventing arguments.
The model has few principles:
• Every interaction between two persons is called an "Action": one person is 'Initiator' and the other is 'Response'.
• Each action has a purpose or a need which should be gained or fulfilled due to the action.
• A successful action is when the targets are achieved while using less energy.
• A 'Position' is the relative "communicational location" of a person in an action. In every interaction between two persons or more, each one places him/herself in relation to the other.
There are four optional types of positions:
Superior position: above the other person in order to "control" the other; the person "below" him/her.
Middle position: equal to the other in order to facilitate a successful action.
Inferior position: below the other person in order to fulfill the needs of him/herself using the person "above" them.
Self position: taking care only of him/herself and his/her needs regardless of the position of the other person.
The type of position can be identified according to the content, the non-verbal language and the intonation used: the way the message is conveyed.
There are four sub position types:
Critical superior: always criticizes the other side and tells him/her what is needed to be improved.
Supporter superior: always supports the other side and protects him/her.
Obedient inferior: always obeys the other side and avoids conflicts.
Rebellious inferior: always contradicts and doesn't obey the other side in order to rebel against him/her.
Each of the Six Parenthood styles comes from the use of Emotional Intelligence: Being acutely aware of the environment, his/her emotional needs and feelings and adjusting the style to suit the most appropriate setting.
The Formal parent, which is one of the most aggressive of the six Parenthood Styles, expects and demands immediate compliance to his/her orders. He/She has a style that accomplishes tasks by ordering and dictating, even demeaning his/her followers at times.
This style is best used in situations where the family or children require a complete turnaround attempt which is quite urgent and there is no real time for active family discussions. An example could be during disasters or dealing with unexpected behavior. Another example would be to enforce Health and safety compliance improvements under faith.
This style should only be used for short time frames, just to get the "job" done, as the long term impact can be negative.
"You should do it, because I said so and I'm your parent".
The second style, the Valuable parent establishes him/herself as being the expert in the family. One who is a visionary and sees the way forward, leading the family to success.
Although the Valuable parent leads the family to the vision, he/she will utilize the family to establish how they get there by themselves. This style is particularly effective in times when a new direction is needed: for someone to come up with the vision and the way forward.
The Familiar parent is renowned for building the family; for putting the children first. Children can expect a great deal of praise and feedback and there is normally a good sense of interconnection within the family.
This style is most effective when there are situations of low morale and poor family work. Utilizing this method will, in the longer term, create good family bonding and heightened family communication.
The negative aspect can be that poor behavior will go by without feedback as the parent may feel that conflict will upset the balance. In this instance, one must be mindful to adjust their style to suit positive feedback when necessary.
The Delegator parent will use the children as decision makers – taking the family vote to make decisions and improvements. Communication is the key in this style, whereby all opinions are listened to as a group. The Delegator parent is merely the chair for effective family decision making.
When and only when the family place is ready for Delegator parent, this style produces a family environment that children can feel good about with heightened morale levels. Children feel that their opinion counts, and because of that feeling they are more committed to achieving the goals and objectives of the family.
Remember, decisions still have to be made, so effect decisions in a timely manner must be the tip of the day when using this method!
Role model parent
Only when children are self-motivated and highly educated, the Role model parent method comes into its own and is extremely effective. These parents set very high performance standards for themselves and the children and epitomize the behaviors they are seeking from other children.
Like the Formal style, this is another of the Six Parenthood Styles that cannot be sustained for a long time as children can often "burn out" due to its demanding pace expected from them. This is worth bearing in mind when using. A good example of when to use this method is when a family has been functioning together as an effective team for a while and are now performing in a good family culture. At this point, the parent may wish to step things up and move to a new level of performance for a "project" or short term goal.
In the Coaching Parenthood Style the parent focuses purely on helping children in their personal development, and in their job-related activities towards a goal. With the use of this style, the parent helps family members up skill and become successful in their development, working closely with, coaching, developing, and mentoring them to ensure they have the knowledge and skills to be successful.
This style works best when the child already understands their weaknesses, and is receptive to improvement suggestions or ideas. Be careful with over use, as this can come across as micro-control the family. If used well, this is, however, an effective style to develop a learning family.
There are three types of relationships:
Balanced relationship: the type of position that responded to you is the same one that you referred to.
Unbalanced relationship: the type of position that responded to you is different from the one you referred to.
Double-meaning relationship: there is no correlation between the type of position from the verbal, non-verbal and intonation aspect; (for instance, the content can be in Middle position, but the non-verbal message (body language and intonation) is in Superior position. This Double-meaning relationship confused the other side because he/she doesn't know to which type of position he/she should reply.
The way to conduct a successful action according to the PIR model, is by identifying the "position" of the other person and adjusting your "position" to his/her position in order to gain your targets using less energy; or by changing the other person's "position" to the type of position that uses less energy.
While formal and role model do indeed have their uses, research suggests that these styles can damage the family’s ‘working atmosphere’ in the longer term. This will ultimately reduce flexibility and child commitment. – So the key is to use only when needed and in a small time frame.
In comparison, the other four of the Six Parenthood styles have a proven positive impact on the family environment and also performance.
Again, the most effective parent is one who can master at least four of the styles, and who can use the style to suit the situation. Remember, even the formal and Role model roles have their uses, you just have to use them only when the situation dictates.